Digital Civility

I was recently engaged in both a verbal and digital interchange with an old friend who asked whether my life was better through my constant access through a smart phone that twitters, messages, facebooks, emails, and ... oh yeah, is used as a phone. She wanted to know whether I really believed that my life was enhanced by such useage. She was also frustrated with friends who had to constantly be IMing over lunch and coffee. After giving a great deal of thought to her questions, I responded with the following email:

I think that you are responding to people's lack of civility and common sense more so than whether twitter or mobile access to communication is a good thing. I most assuredly agree with you regarding the frustration I experience when I'm with people who are constantly using their phones to check emails or tweets or the stock market or ..... I often bring it to their attention by suggesting that they may not know that they can turn off all notifications except for the phone. Since most phones have the ability to be specific about which notifications you want to receive, there is no reason to receive a vibration every time some someone tells you what they are eating.

I do think that civility has taken a downturn in the world. This goes hand in hand with an artificial sense of familiarity. Many students do not know how to address faculty and staff electronically since their primary form of communication is e-mail or instant messaging. Digital literacy is not something we teach and I'm reminded of this on a daily basis.

Returning to your questions regarding the quality of my life related to the availability of more up to date communications; I see it no differently than what advantages might be afforded when you compare reading news on line versus the daily newspaper. If the content is identical which is the case with the New York Times and the LA times, I believe the convenience of access has enhanced my life and made it more convenient to receive information. Similarly, the availability of email for communications has enhanced my access to my friends and colleagues over the use of the postal system.

There is no question that digital communication can detract from the here and now if we allow it to. It can also abuse the nature of a relationship when people choose to send so much digital spew that it truly does not feel like thought generated by the people we know. In fact, the vast majority of digital communication comes in the form of forwarding or retweeting content that the sender found amusing.

I have often shared the following with people who I like, but who feel it is essential to forward every funny thing they find:

If you think I would really like the 55th picture of a kitty on a piano, please print it, cut it out, put it in an envelope, and mail it to me with a handwritten note telling me why you think it's so special and why you believe I would like it. That makes it so much more personal and causes those people to think about whether it's that important for me to know about it.

In regard to the terrible things that happen when people message or tweet with no thought to what they should be doing, I can't agree with you more. I could say the same thing about passing the bag of fries or dropping a cigarette in the car. We've only just recently outlawed the use of phones while driving. We haven't done the same thing with food, smoking, looking back at your kids in the back seat or the 15 other things people do that cause them to get killed.

I believe that the availability of mobile devices has made it easier for me to stay in touch with people I care about like my family and friends. It does allow me the benefit of knowing about things in a more timely method than previously. Does it change the quality of my life? It enhances my ability to carry out things that I was unable to effectively do previously. Is my life better? I suppose I'd have to say yes because it allows me to stay more aware of things that are important to me. And that is a benefit.

The next time your friends at lunch pull out their phones, ask them if they could wait until after lunch to do it. If not, then schedule lunch with them when they think they can. The same can be said for people that take calls and then motion to you that it will be very very short. It's your time. You have a reason to be offended when they show a lack of civility.

Just my thoughts